no more!!

Right now he's probably slow dancing
With a bleached-blond tramp
And she's probably getting frisky
Right now, he's probably buying
Her some fruity little drink
'Cause she can't shoot whiskey

Right now, he's probably up behind her
With a pool stick
Showing her how to shoot a combo
And he don't know

I dug my key into the side
Of his pretty little souped-up 4 wheel drive
Carved my name into his leather seat
I took a Louisville slugger to both head lights
Slashed a hole in all 4 tires
And maybe next time he'll think before he cheats

Right now, she's probably up singing some
White-trash version of Shania karaoke
Right now, she's probably saying, "I'm drunk"
And he's a thinking that he's gonna get lucky

Right now, he's probably dabbing on 3 dollars
Worth of that bathroom Polo
Oh and he don't know

That I dug my key into the side
Of his pretty little souped-up 4 wheel drive
Carved my name into his leather seat
I took a Louisville slugger to both head lights
Slashed a hole in all 4 tires
And maybe next time he'll think before he cheats

I might've saved a little trouble for the next girl
'Cause the next time that he cheats
Oh, you know it won't be on me!
No, not on me

'Cause I dug my key into the side
Of his pretty little souped-up 4 wheel drive
Carved my name into his leather seat
I took a Louisville slugger to both head lights
Slashed a hole in all 4 tires
Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats
Oh, maybe next time he'll think before he cheats
Oh, before he cheats
Oh

chances

i dont know wat im suppose to do.. i do love him.. but at the same time i hate him.. hard to xplain..
i decided to give him one more chance.. to prove that he loves me.. n only me.. n that he wont see other gurls.. but this time i wont give him all of my heart.. i need time.. we'v talk.. n we made sum agreement.. he promises me things.. hope he wont disappoint me this time.. one person said to me that it is worth to give chance when u hv been with the same person 4 a very long time.. nobody xpect u to get over that person rite away n there's no way u can erase the feelings that u hv for him instantly.. n its even harder when u'v shared so many things together.. giving him one more chance is nothing compared to leaving all the momories u'v built together 4 so long.. there's room 4 a change.. n im willing to give that room to him.. i pray to ALLAH that he will use it wisely as i hv no more space 4 sadness in my heart.. insyaallah..

teknologi mmg ade negative side...

omg! mmg aku da agak bf aku curang.. tp xnak fikir lebih drp satu pompan.. damn! mmg aku xcheck msn or ym or anything yg melibat kan teknologi.. coz aku malas.. but once aku check, mcm2 aku jumpa.. wow! lbh 3 thn!! n this is wat i'v got?? bf yg xloyal?? thx!! mayb i dserve this.. haha! yes im crushed!! he once said that im phisycaly unattractive.. n i know that.. i can deal with that.. coz i never think i am.. n now i found out that his been cntcting other gurls in msn n ym.. coz he knew i never found out.. wat an idiot! rase bodo sgt!! im sorry im ugly!! but i dont deserve being treated like this! i love u so much!! n this is how u repay me??? thx gazi! 3 years?? 4 wat?? get away from me.. i dont wanna c u anymore...

wat the ****?

cop!!! everywhere! org tau aku mmg dgn dia.. tp knapa stil ade org yg xguna otak n tulis sumthing in public yg clearly bole membuat kan aku bengang! tu mmg aku paling xfhm??!! aku clearly gf dia!! bodo ke ape?n dia clearly ade gf!! bodo ke ape? yg kau bodo sgt g tulis mcm dia tu single apahal?? n bende yg bwat aku lg bengang!!! is that i know u n u know me!!! cant u even consider my feelings?? bullshit gle!! lelaki mmg xpnah fikir little2 things yg ble bwat pompan marah! kalo ko igt aku xkan nampak or baca, kau mmg bodo! sorry la coz aku mmg bengang! bcoz of u things happen!! thx alot!!! n tlg la jgn pair kan bf aku ngan pompan indon tu lg!! nak muntah!!!

but kalo AHMAD GHAZI BIN MASLAN ske sgt kat dia, by all means!! we r over!! go get her! im no longer urs!

mayb... mayb not...

sum people may say that we r meant to be..

bt wat do they know bout 'US'?

they only see the happy couple..

but they do not see wats underneath it..

TRUST..

is the key to a happy relationship..

without it, the door to happiness cant b opened..

no matter how hard we try,without it we can only stay outside the door...

but how long can we stay??

when the whether keeps changing...

sumtimes its too hot.. sumtimes its too cold..

at the end... we tend to give up..

n move on to the next door..

hoping we might find the right key..

thats how it works..

LIES!

one thing that can distroy one relationship instantly!

full stop!!

WORDS!

r to be use wisely..

sumtimes, things said can b hurtful to hear..

but there will always b a good thing to say after we realized our mistake..

SORRY!!!

on the other hand things that were said with intention r not accpetable..!

that can also brake down a strong relationship..

especially cursing!!

no one shud curse their partners no matter how bad they behaved!

JEALOUSY!

sum people might not notice that jealousy overtakes them..

in a relationship, its normal to feel that way..

it show that u care..

that u love ur partner..

that u want them only 4 u...

but other people got it all wrong!

they think their partners r being a control freak!

on the other hand, being too jealous of everything r not acceptable AT ALL!

SO WAT DID WE DO WRONG???
TRY TO FIGURE IT OUT!

a song 4 u!

embun di pagi buta
menebarkan bau asa
detik demi detik ku hitung
inikah saat ku pergi

oh Tuhan ku cinta dia
berikanlah aku hidup
takkan ku sakiti dia
hukum aku bila terjadi

aku tak mudah mencintai
aku tak mudah mengaku ku cinta
aku tak mudah mengatakan
aku jatuh cinta

senandungku hanya untuk cinta
tirakatku hanya untuk engkau
tiada dusta sumpah ku cinta
sampai ku menutup mata
cintaku sampai ku menutup mata

oh Tuhan ku cinta dia
berikanlah aku hidup
takkan ku sakiti dia
hukum aku bila terjadi

xsedar diri!

knape org malaysia nie sempit sgt?? xle trima perubahan langsung!! macam mane nak maju?? asyik ckp byk jer.. cuba do sumthing.. n b4 saying anything, look at ur self first.. r u good enough to b saying all those things?? or even to judge?? i may not no much bout politic n wat not.. so i wont touch on dat.. i wanted to talk bout sumthing that i know.. not much.. but enough.. when u see sumone, pakai bj or dressup lain dr usual, wat would u say?? u may want to say.. "cantik la dressing dia.." or "okay! wat is she wearing?? fashion crime".. but u know wat?? at least they have the guts to dressup differently.. not the boring t-shirt n jeans look.. unless u r a fashion icon or sumone yg pro in this area, then u can say wateva u wanted to say.. but if u yourself pakai bj burok n sluar sukan, just shut ur mouth n go to hell! it is not me who xperience this.. but sumone whom i am very close to.. we stoped at the traffic lite one nite.. n there was a proton saga beside us.. they looked at us mcm xpnah tgk org.. n they acted like monkeys.. padahal mcm da tua.. but i cant really tell sbab kebetulan mcm gelap2 je org kat dlm kete tu kan.. ahaha! then the two person kat passenger seat started pointing at us, laughing.. n if im not mistaken diorg lelaki.. after that they were making signals.. then i reallised that they actually laughing at the other person who was in the car with me that wore big glasses.. which i rase mmg trend skarg.. n many celebrities nowadays pon pakai.. so i xtau ape yg klaka sgt pasal glasses tu yg bwat diorg gelak sampai mcm tu skali.. n honestly, it is such an imbareassement 4 them.. they acted like a low class of human being yg xde adap langsung! i bet diorg br kuar dr hutan n xpnah tgk tv.. n i confirm yg they all xpnah pon dgr about 'E'! thats y diorg xtau trend zaman skarng! sux to b u! my advise, tgk cermin b4 gelak kan org.. n org malaysia, tolong jaga tepi kain sendiri! n i think, big glasses sgt cool n trendy!! deal with it people!!!

pengalaman menyertai OIAM!

dlm byk2 org yg berada di dlm satu dewan, tiba2 jadi sikit.. ble ku tgk dpan belakang, tinggal kira2 20 org termasok diri ku.. berdebar.. jantung berdegup kencang!! satu persatu nama dipanggil untuk membuat persembahan diatas pentas dgn dihakimi 2 org judge.. mula2 rasa nak pitam.. apabila berada di atas pentas, perasaan itu hilang.. yang tinggal cuma rasa yakin dan gembira kerana dapat menyanyi.. seorg juri mat salleh says it was amazing! dia kate i am be the one to beat.. wah!! gembira sgt! juri wanita tu plak kate, it was the best performance so far!! ahahahahaha! melompat2 diatas pentas pada masa itu xmemalukan langsung!! detik dan saatnya telah tiba.. judges mengumumkan top 12.. dan nama ku disebot!! wah!! yay!! tiba2, kakak ku memecah suasana.. 'lily bangun la da magrib'!!! n it was actually a dream! there goes me, juri mat salleh (paul), juri wanita (syafinaz) dan rancangan rialiti tv( one in a million)!!! wahahahhahaa!
*pengajaran:jgn tido ptg2 lg2 ble da nak dkt magrib or selepas tgk one in a million... xbgoz krn anda akan merasakan yg diorg nyanyi sgt xsdap dan anda rasa anda bole mengalahkan mereka.. ahahahaha! 2 la mimpi masok oiam.. konon ble mnang la kan.. lol!

nenek ku comel!

2day, as usual i blk kampong.. everyweek, i akan blk kampong to see my grandparents especially my nenek.. lately nie die xsehat sgt.. thats y i slalu sgt blk kampong.. i would spent like a day or two kat sane if i ade mase.. kalo x, i blk hr jer.. its not like kampong i jauh sgt.. kat banting jer.. ade satu bende yg klaka jd 2day.. after lunch, nenek asked 4 cold water.. so i asked her.. 'nak i aper?'.. since ade byk air dlm fridge tu.. then she said, 'handyplus'.. that time i mcm confused.. i xtau die nak handyplus or nak air sejuk.. so i asked her again.. nenek nak air ape?? then again she said handyplus.. then i said to my self, ok i better get the handyplus for her first.. so i went off to get her the handyplus.. when she saw me walking away, she said,' ey, mane air nenek??' i ckp la.. kate nak handyplus, nak g amik la nie.. she replied.. yg sejuk punye ade dlm fridge tu.. kat pintu die.. dengan rase kepelikan i g blk kat fridge tu.. then i saw kat pintu xde handyplus.. then i ckp kat nenek..'xde pon nek??' she replied, 'ade btol putih kat tepi botol sos tu'.. i looked down, then i saw 'botol putih'.. n it was actually hundredplus.. ahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahaahahahahahahahaha! lol! lawak gle!!!

takot kucing..

u know.. i always fhm knape org takot kat kucing.. mayb sbab takot kena cakar, or takot dgn bulu kucing yg kadang2 kotor n ble menyebabkan kesukaran bernafas, or takot kuman2 dan penyakit dr kucing tu berjangkit kat tubuh bdn die.. well, this is the curious case of lily n coco(name kucing ku).. one day, while im washing the dishes, coco came to me.. he said 'meow' like lbh 100 kali.. so i assumed he was hungry.. so after i finish washing, i went outside, n gave him food.. then, i went back in to clear up sumthings in the kitchen.. suddenly i hear that annoying sound again! 'MEOW'! n this time, it was very loud! i must say it scares me a lil bit.. coz it sounded like 'kucing gatal'.. which all male cats usually do when they need or want 'it'(fhm2 la eh).. so, i did continue my cleaning.. tibe2 coco dtg kat my kaki n started rolling.. 4 me thats normal.. but i kinda tolak2 ngan kaki la.. i takot terpijak die.. coz at that time i was moving around.. all of a sudden, he sat btol2 ontop of my feet.. with head facing my toe.. n his butt atas skit from my pergelangan kaki.. after a while, he started shaking his ass as if his doing it.. i was shocked n immediately kicked him.. i rase so disgusted that i went straight to the bathroom n take a bath.. to be honest i mcm stil teringat that incident.. euuuwww.. so i told my parents to 'kasi' coco.. so that die tak horny lg.. so now, i takot dgn my own cat bcoz he da xknal mane kucing n org..

video lucah!

KEPADA ORG2 YG MENYEBAR KAN VIDEO LUCAH...


dgn segala hormat nya saye menyeru agar saudara2 yg aktif dlm aktiviti menyebarkan video lucah supaya menghentikan perbuatan tersebut.. sesungguhnye ramai kaum2 wanita yg agak offended dgn nye.. sesungguh nya kaum lelaki sudah mendapat gambaran terperinci tentang bhgian2 sulit dan xsulit.. jd segelintir kaum wanita berasa tiada keyakinan diri untuk berdepan dgn pasangan mahupun suami.. mereka kdg2 merasakan bhw tubuh bdn mereka xla secantik mahupon se 'hot' gadis2 yg berada dlm video tersebut.. lg pon, knape harus anda semua sebar kan?? mungkin utk berkongsi pengalaman atau pon belajar.. ermm.. mungkin.. tetapi.. adalah disarankan agar anda semua menghentikan kegiatan ini.. kalau ye pon nak tgk, kat internet sudah la.. xpyh la sampai nak foward2 kat org melalui phone.. ade ke patot.. insaf la wahai kawan.. sesungguh nya semua org fhm.. jd keep it to ur self la ye..

sekian, terima kasih.

nie gambar2 mase dinner tu.. sume ade.. kecuali diri ku yg tukang amik gamba! sad!!

happy bday boy!!!

dinner with family mmg sronok gle! xtau knape.. but ble feel ikatan jd makin kuat.. anyway we went out 4 dinner.. its my brothers bday.. die da 29thn! waaaa! tua kan?? i know i know! agaggagagaga! we had our dinner kat asiari kat sacc... food was great! (pnah ke xgreat?sume sdap!) hehe! ade satu mknan br yg pelik skit.. name die.. mango banana with shrimp! pelik kan?? tp sdap! must try! pape pown, HAPPY BDAY BOY!!

there's more

1. u say i xpatot masok uni mane2 coz i'l never succeed
2. u say i ego
3. u say i xde otak
4. u say i akal cetek
5. u say im worth 20 bucks
   

things u said that hurts me the most

top 25 yg i igt...

1. u say i xde wawasan
2. u say i xde life
3. u say i xkan maju
4. u say im a bitch
5. u say im a slut
6. u say i pelacur
7. u say im flirtie
8. u say i bodo
9. u say i babi
10. u say i bangang
11. u say i buta
12. u say i pekak
13. u say i xcantik
14. u say im not a princess
15. u say im not good enough 4 u
16. u say xde org nak kat i
17. u say im a fucker
18. u say i hv fuckerface
19. u say im materialistic
20. u say i pompan murah
21. u say im selfish
22. u say im useless
23. u say i ugly
24. u say i pantat
25. u say i bisu

yes!! u said it all.. n it hurts..

xde la susah sgt..

when we start sumthing, n that has been ur life 4 years..
keep thnking that it will get better each n everyday..
put high hope to it..
sacrifice things..
but one day, u'l realised that letting go is easier than facing it everyday..
it's so easy..
so bye! im letting u go..

rat! taaaa! tuih!

omg!! smlm.. lebih kurang pkol 12 mlm.. sedang sy dan aishah berborak dan bergosip.. tibe2 nampak satu kelibat kecil yg berlari lari anak menuju masok ke dlm blk.. ble tgk btol2! rupe2 nye.. tikus.. kitorg pon melompat naik atas katil.. geli!! terus pegi kejut bapa ku yg sudah diulit mimpi.. kesian ayah!! sory!! terlampau urgent! kene jgak kejutkan!! hehehehe! ayah pon turun ke bilik ku dgn pemandangan yg kurang jelas.. maklumla.. tahi mate br mula nak mengeras agak nya.. ahahahaaha! kesian!! siap bwk payung lg.. dgn harapan dpt la pkol tikus tu.. mmg x la kan!! ayah pon actually xngam sgt ngan tikus nie.. hikhik! tp last2 tikus tu lari coz ayah spray dgn ridsect! pandai nyier! aman skit rase.. fuhh!! kitrg pon meneruskan diskusi dan gossip yg tergantung td.. sat g pandang belakng, ade lg si tikus tu.. yg pelik nye.. xtau mcm mane die muat masok under pintu.. tanpa melengah kan masa, kitrg pon lompat la lg atas katil! wuhoo! pastu xtau nak wat ape.. last2 g kejut ayah lg skali.. da la da pkol 4 pg.. tahniah la kan! kesian ayah! ayah turun.. tgk2 tikus tu da menghilangkan diri.. die menyorok!! sampai tolak almari n alih brg2 lg.. tibe2.. die keluar.. n kaki sy suda terlanggar bdn die!!! waaaa! geli gle!! akhir nye ayah berjaya jgak menghalau tikus itu keluar.. tikus itu dipercayai adalah spesis mondok.. da la aishah xtau kewujudan tikus mondok!! wahahaha! lawak!!

valentine's day present!!

i said earlier that "there's no love to give during valentine's".. guess wat?? things happen.. i actually went out during that day.. not 4 the sake of valentine! just 4 the sake of showing and sharing love..
nothing was planned.. it totally was a spontaneous outing.. me n my guy went to OU.. n it was like pasar mlm.. crowded! every restaurant was full! at the end, we had our dinner at italianies.. it was ok.. nothing special about that place that nite.. but i think i contribute sumthing that made that nite extra special.. if not special, it made the nite better.. as a token of my love, i gave my guy a watch..
its just an ordinary watch.. simple rip curl watch.. but i figured, the tot that counts! n im happy 4 it!! hope he's happy too!

changes!

looking back at the time..
wondering things i cant let go..
is it true or false?
at sum point, i know that i shud move on..
but deep inside says hang on!
sometimes i think im being melodramatic..
how can i not, when it gives me a headache!
everything around me reminding me of.. HIM!
my car, my room n everything inside..
i dont know..
im confused??!!
am i being arrogant?
or just cant condone?
however, maybe or if only CHANGES can b made..
im willing to be his lifetime soul mate!!

let's celebrate!!

2day, 16feb 2009.. sy menjadi saksi kepada acara yg menarik yg akan sentiasa diingati dalam sejarah seorg perempuan mahu pon lelaki.. x semua pasangan mengalami perkara yg same.. but for this sweet couple, it just did! n i witnessed it! amazing!! lucky me!! n 4 both of u, i wish u guys all the best!! may things happen exactly the way u guys planned!! cheers!!

i dont care

sumtimes, when u r used to feeling sad n disappointed.. at the end u just dont feel anythng anymore! n when dat time comes, i dont care about how im feeling, n wat others feel.. or wat others think about me! now it is just me.. me..n me.. I DONT CARE!! n plz 4get bout valentine's day!! there's no love to give away!!

im gonna miss u guys..

well, this morning i g anta two of my fwens kat airport.. they nak g Aussie to further studies.. sedih gle!! i arrived at the airport 5mins b4 they lalu kat gate tu.. coz jam gle jalan! n huru hara gle.. coz at first i xjumpa gate B.. n happens to b org2 yg i tanye pon xsure kat mane gate B.. i was running! n as i reached the gate, there they r.. they were still there.. fuh!! i sampai i tros hug VEL! I can see the sadness in her eyes.. n i feel it too.. all i can say at that time was, 'gud luck, take care n im proud of u!'.. i tahan gle nak nangis!! i xsampai hati nak burst into tears in front of her.. then i jumpe JONO plak.. i said the same thing.. waaa.. sdeyh gle.. im gonna mish u guys!! anyway, all the best!!! stdy hard!! n 4 hafiz, jgn sdeyh2!! vel will always b there 4 u walaupon she's far away.. adios guys!! till we meet again!!

ya ampun! lupa minum??

ya ampun!! how can i say this.. yesterday.. i woke up.. i had my breakfast.. then i g tgk tv with my mum.. around 4 o'clock, i help my mum bwat cekodok n mkn after dat.. later at 5.30, i tido.. woke up at 7.. then i had my dinner around 10pm.. i go amik air 4 my mum n dad.. then i go main computer.. until 1.30 am in the morning, i suddenly realize that i 4got to drink!! the whole day!! wahahahaha!

award cikgu plg cool goes to....

CIKGU SAZALI AND CIKGU SYED!!!

cool bow tie

owh ya!! about kene denda!! GAZI slalu gle kene denda coz x pakai tie.. CIKGU SURIA pernah suruh die amik plastik sampah hitam, ikat kat leher.. jd kan bow tie.. that was hilarious!! die jalan2 kat skolah the whole day dgn plastik sampah kat leher!! wahahahah.. actually, that was the first time i notice die kat skola.. pix above.. imagine that face with plastik sampah kat leher!! ahahahahahahahahahaahahah! lawak gle!

skolah!

arghhh!! bosan nye!! mcm nak g skola plak!! i miss skola!! rindu time kene bgn pg2.. rindu time bgn lambt!! n g skola xmandi!! rindu kene saman ngan pengawas sbab pakai socks colourful n xpakai serkup! ahahahaha! lawak! kalo dtg lambat kene kutip sampah! embarrasing! but still unforgetable.. ade skali tu i pnah kene denda ngan CIKGU SURIA! garang gle cikgu tu.. asal mengandung je menyinga! hadoi!! emosi btol!! die denda basuh toilet cikgu dgn my bare hands!! without beros wat so eva! thinking that toilet cikgu is less kotor than toilet pelajar.. EKKKK! WRONG! setaraf je.. kotor n busuk!! euuuww! my fwen aqilah,zurisha n fanna got a different punishment.. but i dnt remember what it is.. if im not mistaken, two of them kene sapu tangga skola.. fuh!! penat kot!! those was the days.. i remember mase form two, every khamis kitorg 4 org mesti lambat masok kelas.. at least 30 mins.. sbb nak g usha seniors.. besides, kitrg mmg sengaja masok lambt since tue time CIKGU WAK CHU! wehhehehehe.. ble di katekan tiap2 minggu g masok blk disiplin! kene rotan ngan UZTAZ ZUL!! wahahaha kitrg ske usha botot die.. gatal btol!! anyway, tu time kecik2 la.. mentah lagi.. skrng da masak skit da.. weeee.. RINDU NYE KAT SKOLAH!!!
SMK SEKSYEN 9 BERIMAN, BERILMU, BERJASA

reality is painful

I WISH I LIVE IN A FAIRY TALE
WHERE AT THE END
MY PRINCE CHARMING COME TO RESCUE ME
AND EVERYTHING WILL JUST FALL INTO PLACES
BUT THAT IS'NT GOING TO BE A REALITY
I WISH I CAN FLY
FLY TO WHERE EVER THE WIND BLEW ME
TO AN ENDLESS SKY
WHERE THE JOURNEY IS FOREVER
WHERE I CAN SEE THINGS UNDER ME
SO I CAN UNDERSTAND THINGS BETTER
REALITY IS HARD TO ACCEPT
EVEN MORE HARDER TO DEAL WITH
REALITY IS PAINFUL
AND ALWAYS WILL BE

powerless

it's too easy to say..
but reaction seems harder than that..
you always broke my heart..
scratch my feelings..
n all i want to do is leave..
how can i??
i dont know where to start..
i cant 4get u!
i cant delete u from my mind..
i cant erase ur number..
i cant stop saying ur name..
i cant complete my day if i didnt see ur face..
bottom line, i cant stop loving u..
i tried ignoring u..
but u kept calling!
always appear where ever i go..
everybody thinks we'r meant to be..
how can it be??
when all u gave me was a bucket of laugh..
and pools of tears..
im POWERLESS!
if only i dont love u..
its easier to let go of u..

a lesson from life

dull day.. feeling bored.. cloudy sky seems to appear.. grey n lifeless.. where's the sun?? where goes the love birds.. no chippings.. its so silent! what happened? where does everybody go?? am i alone in this world?? how can it be.. if not to see their faces, even a hush of their voices will do.. ooh! how can this be.. shouting! screaming! in side.. the feeling kinda stuck between my tongue and throat.. as i cant expressed it out loudly.. still searching.. maybe there's a path that i have to take.. that enables me to meet them again.. but where is it?? how far is it?? when can i reach there?? all this question ran through my mind constantly.. i walked slowly.. then i started hearing very light sound.. then i wonder where it came from.. i continued my journey towards the sound.. and it keeps getting louder and louder every step of the way.. as i got nearer, then i saw clearly.. faces.. voices.. now things got better.. I'm no longer lonely or bored.. days has been cheerful! with the sun that shines the day.. including voices and laughter!! i finally got it.. life actually thought me how to be patient and strive towards what i want.. today or maybe later, we shall get what we want.. the day will come sooner or later..

i love u atuk!

merenung wajah si tua yg rebah.. terlantar bagai jasad yg xlg mampu membawa badan.. bernyawa! tp sedikit pergerakan pun tidak mampu dilakukan.. rasa sayu dan simpati menyelubung gerbang hati.. namun tidak siapa mampu melakukan apa2.. yg terdaya hanya berdoa! itu yg telah kami sekeluarga lakukan.. 2 minggu sudah.. menjemput keluarga terdekat, membaca surah yasin dan doa selamat.. semata mata untuk membantu atukanda ku yg telantar sakit.. tidak lagi mampu barjalan atau pun dudok.. lebih 5 thn dia menanggung derita sendirian.. ntah sampai bila dia mampu bertahan.. mengenang masa lampau, datuk ku yang dahulu nya seorg polis yang gagah.. mempunyai kekuatan fizikal yang tinggi.. tapi skarang, badan nya kurus bak batang lidi.. tulang rangka badan nya timbul setanding dengan kanak2 di africa.. bukan tidak makan! cuma badan yang sudah tidak mampu bertahan.. sebak ku lihat.. ku renung tepat2 ke 2 biji mata nya yang sering berlinangan air mata.. yang makin hari makin kecil.. yang kian lama, sudah tidak lg mengecam wajah anak dan cucu.. tetapi yang plg dikesali, si tua ini slalu melontar kan kata2 keji! bkan hanya kepada ahli keluarga, malah si tabib dan pembantunya juga turut terkena.. rasa malu sudah hilang.. si tua yang kini berusia 80thn bagai sudah kembali ke usia kanak2 nya.. pilu! dia sudah tidak lagi menunaikan solat mahupun puasa.. kerana badan nya tidak lg sebersih dan sesuci dulu.. keadaan memaksa.. dia mkn, tidur dan membuang air dikamar nya.. dengan bantuan seorng amah yang sudah dianggap keluarga.. tidak lagi dia berbau harum seperti dulu.. minyak kolon yang dipakainya dulu sudah tidak lagi kelihatan diruang penglihatan.. suasana mendung terlihat dari wajah datuk ku ini.. riak wajah nya kusam.. tidak bermaya.. sesungguh nya aku tidak mahu melihat dia teseksa.. aku berdoa kepada tuhan agar segera mengambil nya.. sudah lama dia menunggu.. dunia ini sudah tidak bermakna bagi nya.. berbekalkan amalan yang sudah dikumpulnya, aku rasa dia sedia.. adapun ini balasan yang Kau berikan kepada nya.. siksa dunia.. aku memohon kepada mu agar kau ringan kan bebannya ini.. sesungguhnya kami adalah hamba yang lemah dan tidak lari drp melakukan kesilapan dan dosa.. cukup la penderitaan yang ditempuhinya.. aku tidak sanggup lg melihatnya menderita.. seandanya dia tidak mampu pulih, Kau ambil la dia.. kami redha..

a year of surprise!

gosh! where do i start? its been wonderful.. it may seem too late to start a diary.. but thinking almost everyday about it, what the hack! better start late than never.. cliche'?? i know.. wow! this few days of 2009 has been awesome! first, it was a surprise visit by my elder sister from France! it was planned by my folks.. thx ayah n mum! it was a shocker! i almost cried at the airport! thinking that we were waiting 4 my dads Arabian client.. suddenly, there was my precious ones! athirah, batrisyia, baqeer n sophea! kids of my lovely sister, cora n her hubby iqmal.. it may sound like a mvie scene, but i did ran towards them while i shout their names.. hahaha.. embarrassing! but at that moment, it was amazing! i couldn't spell my words..

23RD JAN 2009..

That was it.. the day b4 my bday.. i knew something is up! but i couldn't figure it out.. deep inside, i felt that its going to be BIG! with all my patient, i tried not to think about it too much! though i kept begging my sister if she could just spill some beans out.. but no.. i got nothing! not a clue.. for the past two weeks, I've been hired by a school to be the coach of their netball team.. happens to be my cousin's school.. on that day, my players invited me 4 lunch to celebrate 2 of our players bday.. so i thought hey, why didn't they want to celebrate mine also??! they obviously knew bout it.. from my cousin of course.. funny! i said to my self, 'its okay! I'm too old 4 bday party anyway!' as soon as i arrived at the venue, i sat down, they asked me not to order anything.. weird? yup! all of the sudden, the waiter walk towards our table with two big candles on top of a cake, lighted! omg! they were actually celebrating my bday! haha! i couldn't believe it! they only knew me 4 two weeks.. yet they did all of that 4 me.. i realized, I've done something big to them! wow! i never hv thought i hv brought that much of an impact to these gurls.. fuh! it felt unbelievable! i got home n it was 4pm i kept my body n mind bz .. waiting 4 nite to come.. clock ticks slowly.. i was excited n nervous.. i spoke to my self.. 'damn this people! do they have to make a surprise? just tell me already!' i looked at the pink clock hanging in my room.. n it was 5pm.. i got ready n took the longest bath I've ever took.. still i hv plenty of time left.. Wat to do?? i sat down with my mum.. talk bout life.. then i realized, its already 7pm.. i figured time is less noticed if we use it wisely.. like doing things we like or spending it with the one we love.. my bf(GAZI) promise to pick me up at 7.30.. but as i thought, he reached my house at 8 something.. he took me to the curve.. along the way, i was upset with him since we hv not make much conversation.. gazi has been bz replying his msgs n answering calls.. as we enter the building, i ask him 'where r we going?' he said its a surprise.. one thing strange, gazi entered the toilet 2 times! n it was not a long gap between the two visits.. we spend almost 2hrs wandering around the shopping complex.. until i got very hungry.. i couldn't wait any longer! so we went to ikea.. rite across the road.. since gazi still don't want to take me to the actual restaurant.. according to him, he make a 9.30pm reservation.. bla bla.. while we were walking, we bumped into gazi's friend.. then i said, great! my nite huh? i had a hot dog, then straight to the restaurant.. as we got closer to the place, i saw few familiar faces.. then SNAP! it was a surprise party 4 me!! 2nd surprise party of the day! I'm blessed! yay! there was my old buddies.. so called deng2! nearly 12am, one African waiter come to me n present a cake! i love cakes! but b4 i blew the candles, they made me do embarrassing stuff.. they ask me to stand on the chair n asked me to sing n make a speech.. so i did! haha! but the worst were about to come! few waiters sang to me TGI'S songs, it was so cool! until they messed up my face with the cake!!! waaaa! it was a great experience though! thx everybody!!
especially to u... GHAZI!

24TH JAN 2009..

The surprise didn't stop there! as i arrived home around 1am, i was so tired! i sat down at the dinner table with my sister(iza).. talking.. about the amazing nite! 30min's later, i entered my room.. n i saw a huge box!! it was wraped! in red!! i jumped with joy!! not knowing wat's inside n who gave it.. i read the card that was placed near the box.. n it says, 'your fortune teller'.. then i knew, it was from my dearest gazi! i opened the box.. n there it was!!! a COMPUTER!gosh I'm lucky! yay!